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bliss of a kiss
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Because of a girl. In my youth, I took my recklessness and my rashness for granted- I climbed trees that had seen darker winters and breezier summers until I reached their highest branches, and there I perched, from my secret tower in the sky, feeling for all the world as if I were Cleopatra. I let my feet slip and slide over plastic pedals as i raced at breakneck speed down the sloping runway that was our neighborhood street, my arms stretched wide and my head tilted back, nose, eyes, cheeks, mouth, kissing the sky. As for the seasons of my childhood, the great outdoors was my personal playground. In the winter, I constructed a makeshift sled out of masking tape and cardboard boxes and careened down the bumpy trails of my backyard, sliding free and fast, the crunch of snow and ice buzzing in my ears. With spring came splashy puddles and wet drops of soggy earth that clung to my legs and feet and fingernails, marking their place next to the battle scars i'd won from stepping on ant hills, falling from treehouses, or jumping off swingsets. Summertime meant cold icy lemonade and brain freezes that lasted eons, practicing cannonball dives in the pool, and catching fireflies in clear plastic jars that helped to scare away the monsters that hid in my closet. Brown, yellow, and orange leaves descended into Fall- a time of falling carelessly into heaps of raked leaves and playing flashlight tag across lamplit streets and wet dandelion fields. In a couple of months, I will be 21 years old. But I can't help but think that 21 is just a label, and that beneath the surface, there are still remnants of the child in me that I fear and hope will never be extinguished. Sure, my perception of things has changed drastically since the carefree days of my youth; now I see life in different shades, not just black and white. When we're young, it's so easy to categorize all of our emotions for people, for things, for ideas, into neat and tidy containers- we love or hate so easily and definitely, without in-betweens or maybes. As we get older, the lines become more blurred, the angles less defined, the colors splotchier. Maybe it's a good thing, maybe it's a bad thing, or maybe it's neither. Either way, we have no choice about growing up- it's something we have to accept, for better or for worse. It's just that sometimes...sometimes, i really do miss those days of six-, seven-, eight-dom...those days of snowballs, hula hoop wars, and training wheels. ...And all this because of a little girl in a hot pink t-shirt and jeans with a melting chocolate ice cream cone in her hand who made me remember what it is to be a kid. by christine at 3:26 AM ©
And still we look back... "for the life of me i cannot remember what made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise." - verve pipe- the freshmen ...with foggy eyes and murky hearts "and this is the last time that i'm ever gonna come here tonight this is the last time- i will fall into a place that fails us all- inside i can see the pain in you i can see the love in you but fighting all the demons will take time it will take time" -dishwalla- devils or angels ...and the bittersweet taste of adieu on our tongues. by christine at 2:21 AM ©
First and foremost, I'd like to say: Happy Birthday, Ms. Julie Yoo! While browsing though Avant-Card today, i saw the following quote: Thich Nhat Hanh Carpe diem, seize the day. There's just something so fearless about embracing the present so completely and honestly that there's no opportunity for second chances, no room for backtracking, no time for regrets. Each year that we grow older and checkmark the once blank "first kiss, first trip to hawaii, first i-love-you" boxes in the annals of our life experiences, there's a sadness that grows in our hearts, a flame that flickers and dies with the advent of a new coming year marking our paths in this world. But with this sadness also comes anticipation, a patient anticipation different from the impatience that used to rule our lives when we waited for our dessert after a meal or for that bubblegum ball to roll all the way down its winding path. It's an anticipation that holds all the promise of tomorrow, a flickering light drifting in and out of wispy clouds, but always ever-present in our view. For me, at least, these past nine months of being twenty, finally graduating from my teen years and entering into semi-adulthood have really given me a new perspective on many things. Simple things, like new school year partying, or first week of classes, just aren't exactly the same anymore because now, i'm a junior , and that means that I no longer have an excuse to giggle in the hallways over that hot guy in my econ discussion or "dress up" in more than jeans and a baby tee for any class, less i look like i'm trying too hard. Most importantly, with one's twentieth birthday, like any other birthday after sweet sixteen, comes new duties and obligations, new "dont's" and "shoulds" and "oughts". But with all these growing pains also comes respect and self-understanding, a growing awareness of your own identity and sense of individuality. Really, it seems as if the most rewarding part about growing up has been getting to know myself better, becoming more confident in my actions and sure of my steps, making mistakes but having the courage to dust off my jeans and begin anew. And all of this is infinitely easier to do because of all of the amazing people who are in my life. So this entry is dedicated to you, Julie- the last of us seven girls to turn twenty, but nevertheless, someone who's just as "wise" (wink wink) as i am, if not more so- someone who i admire, respect, and adore with all of my heart. You'll always be my fellow alky and party gal...i love you and happy birthday! by christine at 2:01 AM ©
What makes life grand? pink and teal and lavender m&m's, juicy crab legs, kobe beef, prime rib, and giant prawns @ the bellagio, shopping sprees at the forum, gondola rides beneath a clear, starry sky, making wishes in the fountain, getting a bonus entree of scallops and shrimp, making photo-takers of innocent passerbys, blasting andy hui on earphones beneath the roar of airplane propellers, watching water jets soar and dance to the rhythm of "wonderful tonight", floundering in the deep end of an aquamarine pool while attempting to bask in the sun. ...all in all, one of the happiest , most relaxing weekends ever. thank you. by christine at 3:40 AM ©
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