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bliss of a kiss
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sing a song of sixpence...
There is a song- not so much a song, but the cadence of a melody- that has haunted me through the years. Sometimes, when I am alone in my bed, breathing steady, heartbeat slow, but eyes open, it will appear almost majestically, a self-proclamation the equivalent of a full-bodied three string orchestra. Other times, I almost expect its arrival and am merely waiting for its opening beats- da dum dum da dum - to echo the familiar comfort of days past and let me nestle in the warmth of my solitude. There have been times when I've tried fervently to recall this nameless melody with no beginning or end, fumbling blindly through the very depths of my mind and memory for some inkling of remembrance- the first chord, perhaps, or even just the undershadow of a beat- but always, it seems to elude my grasp, taunting me in its blatant refusal to perch on my shoulder and sing its soothing song. And therein lies its very power, the mystical spell that it spins through me with gentle and agile fingers, always leaving me aching for more but also surer in my step, steadier in my gaze, firmer in my touch. Either way, I like to think that this is the melody of my soul, the texture of my life, the essence of my being. By soul, I mean the heartstrings that stir within me at the scratchy sound of my father's voice, the tears that leave damp marks on my pillow as souvenirs of lonely nights, the swelling of my heart when my head snuggles perfectly in the crevice of his shoulder. And by life ...well, life is the next unopened chapter of this book, the lines of my face, the sonance of my voice like a bubbling brook that tremors over sharp rocks and flows smoothly through wet soil. Then there is being, being that is life, it is family, lovers, friends, that each define a composite part of you. It's the scattered silence that holds more than a hundred words, the time passed idly but side by side, minds racing with individual dreams, the warm hug that feels like home when nothing else can. And so it is that I make the walk of living, sometimes skipping through the lilted cadence of the soul that sings. to one of the most beautiful souls i know: happy birthday, Ms. Lisa Yoon. I love you! by christine at 10:50 PM ©
The genius of Proust.
Tonight, like last night and the night before, there is another world barely visible at the edge of my fingertips, waiting to be trespassed upon- and truly, every time that I sink deep into my pillows and open the pages of Swann's Way, it feels like a transgression- because his words are so savory, so delicious, each morsel so inundated with passion and force, that to read his work seems akin to taking a bite out of the proverbial forbidden fruit. When I read Proust, I find myself overcome with an exquisite joy so wrenching, so intense, that it almost feels like pain, the kind of pain that squeezes out tears from the corners of your eyes, rendering your breathing thick and staggered. If already the english translation can spark such inspiration and passion from within me, I marvel at what ecstasy I may experience if I were ever to read the original french edition. I daresay that my fragile disposition may not be able to handle such lyrical prose. (*grin*) To gush more on Proust: there are so many passages that I've highlighted or frantically underlined with my blotchy black ink pen, amidst my Proustian daze of reading, that to cite them all here would be too much. Besides, Swann's Way isn't a bulk of literature with scattered jewels of passages that sparkle more brightly than the rest- it is an entire ensemble with equally important and dazzling composite parts that weave together to transport you into another realm of dreams where everything feels beyond real because it is so striking a reflection of your innermost thoughts that it seems instead not to be a reflection but a defined marker that traces the very pattern of your soul. Strange as it may sound, reading Proust makes me feel more deeply entwined with life than I have ever felt before, simply because reading those words that strike such a chord within me make me feel more human, more alive and conscious of my very existence. This may sound absurd, but truly, there is no text like this one for a reawakening of one's soul. Even with the ongoing torrent of rain that's been hitting berkeley these days, I feel that life is more beautiful than ever, and infinitely more precious, because we can find so much of ourselves in the heartbeat of this world. "For even if we have the sensation of being always enveloped in, surrounded by our own soul, still it does not seem a fixed and immovable prison; rather do we seem to be borne away with it, and perpetually struggling to transcend it, to break out into the world, with a perpetual discouragement as we hear endlessly all around us that unvarying sound which is not an echo from without, but the resonance of a vibration from within. We try to discover in things, which become precious to us on that account, the reflection of what our soul has projected on to them; we are disillusioned when we find that they are in reality devoid of the charm which they owed, in our minds, to the association of certain ideas; sometimes we mobilise all our spiritual forces in a glittering array in order to bring our influence to bear on other human beings who, we very well know, are situated outside ourselves where we can never reach them...my dreams of travel and of love were only memoments- which I isolate artiificially today as though I were cutting sections at different heights in a jet of water, iridescent but seemingly without flow or motion- in a single, undeviating, irresitible outpouring of all the forces of my life." -Proust, Swann's Way by christine at 6:12 PM ©
the top 3 things that rock christine's socks (as of late) 1. chaya chaya chaya how I adore thee Last night, richard and i went to chaya, this Japanese-French fusion place in San Francisco right near the Embarcadero area. From the moment that I entered those revolving glass doors, I knew that it was going to be a night to remember. The food was absolutely, positively amazing...in fact, amazing doesn't even begin to describe it! Every single thing that we ordered was heavenly- from the albacore tuna sashimi salad to the dungeness crab cakes to my bellini pineapple-infused cocktail to delicious filet mignon and tender, savory duck breast, to DESSERT- in the form of three flavors (pear, pineapple and pomegranate) of scrumptious sorbet, and a vanilla malt/chocolate creme brulee plucked from the very depths of my dreams- after dinner, I wanted to kiss the chef and invite him home with me to make me the happiest lady on earth. *beam* I know it seems ridiculous to talk about food in such a manner, but richard and i both agreed that chaya is definitely one of our top 10 picks! =P 2. a night at the opera I am SUCH a dork. If any of you have ever doubted my dorkiness before, i am sure this will obliterate ALL of your doubts. I am truly a world-class dork. So two days ago, I was just sifting through my mp3 files and I noticed that I hadn't properly grouped my musical/classical/opera mp3s into separate folders. Being severely distressed at this huge oversight on my part, I of course immediately began to sort each file into its corresponding folder. This highly mind-stimulating activity caused me to reminisce back to the olden days when I listened to musical soundtracks on my good old handy Sony discman- remember those? They were spectacular! But yes...this of course then made me think of opera- not that I'm highly cultured in ANY respect whatsoever, but I have always had a thirst to learn more about the opera, about the famous ones- the marriage of figaro, tosca, la boheme, etc etc, and the more obscure ones as well. So of course, right at that moment, i simply HAD to rush to barnes and nobles (which is really out of my way for those of you who don't know) and buy my very own rough guide to the opera. It's a BEAUTIFUL book whose pages are just shouting out, "READ ME!" I've been saving it for a day when I can just sit back and relax, but I may not be able to restrain myself any longer and I might just have to start reading TONIGHT. OoOohh...the very thought is inciting a sliver of anticipation down my spine! Don't y'all just LOVE the smell of "new book"? It's almost as enticing as that smell in the men's section of the department store when you first walk in, or the smell of a new car's skinned leather. *dreamy sigh* 3. I left my heart in San Francisco There's nothing more beautiful than the lights of San Francisco just after dusk, when the black blanket of sky covers all of the buildings, leaving nothing but twinkly, starry lights peeking through. It's simply amazing, as you cross over the Bay Bridge on your way into the city, to just stare at the towering skyscrapers and neon lights from a distance, imagining the millions of lives that circulate in that small space each day. To me, it seems like San Francisco is the perfect size- it's small enough that you can put it in your pocket and carry a part of it with you wherever you may go, yet big enough that there's always something new to discover down one of its steep, winding streets. There's Chinatown and Little Italy and Union Square, Haight street and the Wharf and the golden gate bridge. But I guess the *real* reason why I love San Francisco so much is because it's so often been an escape from the dreariness of berkeley for me. Freshman year, I used to take the bart into the city alone in mid-afternoon, just to ride up that escalator from the powell street stop and see Union Square slowly appear before my very eyes- the treelined streets, the bustling tram, the dignified stone buildings, the howling wind in the winter and the piercing sun in the summer that glazes over everything with its fairy dust of sparkle and shine. Ahh, san francisco. i might not miss berkeley when i graduate, but i sure will miss the city and the love affair that we've had these past three years. *sigh* oh yeah, one more thing... February's here already...time's passing so fast I can feel myself growing wrinkles and white hair! =( but happy birthday, pisces! (and my dear friend annie =P) I think february is the most romantic month...it's right when the weather is the most severe, cold enough that you just want to cuddle up next to someone dear with a hot mug of cocoa and a warm down blanket. and of course, it's the month of VALENTINE'S DAY! =) but as lisa says, i'm an easy girl to please, v-day is no big day for me; I don't need long-stemmed roses or fancy chocolates or furry stuffed animals...just buy me a tapioca ball so huge that I can't fit my arms around it, and I shall be satisfied! hehehe *wink* i'm just kidding! =) by christine at 2:19 AM ©
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