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bliss of a kiss
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Wow, what a week it has been!! After a whirlwind "vacation" to penn and nyc, annie came to visit on thursday and only today have i really had a chance to just sit back and catch my breath! =) last night was the horror of all horror nights...i was up until five in the morning writing my Rhet essay that i had to turn in today at eleven...that was pretty bad, i've honestly never procrastinated THAT much before!! but oh well it's all over and done now (thankfully!) and all i have to look forward to is THANKSGIVING BREAK! (with finals looming in the background, unfortunately =X) but alas i won't let that put a damper on my grrreat mood tonight! i'm so excited to just go home and eat turkey and my mommy's delicious gravy with RICE (of course! need i even say it? hehe)...but yes. i really think that this is turning into a blog about food, but it's just that i've had such yummy treats in the past couple of days that i just can't help but share with Y'ALL, my ever-so-precious readers! =P cheesecake factory on friday was just AMAZING...never had i had such a GREAT strawberry shortcake! the ice cream was heavenly, and mixed with the strawberries and shortcake...mmm...just thinking about it makes me drool again! hehe =) and then we saw BILLY on saturday! i haven't seen billy-ah in so long, it was nice of him to drive all the way back from fairfax to berkeley just to see us! =) we went to daimo and had a delicious meal and got to ride in his high-tech equipped car =P it was fun! and afterwards ...hmmm..let's not talk about saturday night. that is all i'll say about that! no, but it was still fun...just never again...right, julie? =) so on sunday night, before we took annie to the airport, we went to 168, this Taiwanese restaurant in the 99 ranch complex....and we ordered a serious feast for the three of us! (me, annie, and erika) we had all this YUMMY food...like seriously six or seven dishes! annie took the leftovers home, but we seriously polished off most of it! (amazingly enough) and AFTER we STILL got annie's apple-o's and my gummi bears and watermelon belts! =) haha but oh well.. i shall pay for all of this gorging later on....meanwhile i must enjoy the food while it's there, right? =P i can't believe that i'm going home tomorrow...i mean i was just home about a month ago, but that feels so far away now. i'm really glad that this semester is drawing to a close because it means i can say sayonara to my classes, but i'm also kind of sad. this semester passed by so quickly that i really feel as if it was just a week ago that i was starting my sophomore year here at berkeley. and now...now finals are around the corner and we're all going home for thanksgiving. It's funny, but I feel like the more routine that my life becomes here at berkeley, the faster that time passes by...one would think that the monotonous schedule of everyday life here would make it feel as if every single day is passing by ever so slowly, but instead the week just seems to zoom past. do y'all remember when you were in the fifth grade and you just couldn't WAIT to finish and go to middle school because it was just so much "cooler" (hehe), but at the same time you were scared of leaving behind all that you'd known for so long? I feel a little bit of that anticipation bubbling up inside me, I guess. I mean, i know that we're only halfway through sophomore year, but I just feel like my college experience is passing me by SO quickly...and a part of me just wants to cling onto it and savor it now, in the present, in this moment, while i can, before the pressures of finding a job or getting into a law school or studying around the clock start to come crashing down on me. What I mean is college still feels like a transition stage to me, i guess...a cocoon of security between high school (utter dependence on your parents) and career (completely independence from your parents). it's scary to think that in a few short years i'll be completely on my own, making money on my own, paying the bills on my own, making a life on my own. It's an exhilarating thought, but one full of so many unanswered questions as well, which makes it a petrifying thought. Like the toys 'r' us song goes..."i don't wanna grow up, i'm a toys r us kid..." I still remember when i only had a few candles on my birthday cake...and next month i'll have TWENTY! unbelievable, isn't it? =P The wind outside is howling like no other and it's getting late...I have to wake up at nine in the morning tomorrow! so i shall bid you all goodnight and a great thanksgiving break...eat lotsa yummy turkey food and sit back and relax a little before finals week comes up! =) g'night and sweet dreams to all~ here are some pictures! =) (thanks annie for sending them!)  me, annie, and erika at cheesecake factory =P  mmm...our yummy dessert! doesn't it just LOOK absolutely delicious? =)  annie and i at asuka's in new york....what an awesome two nights!  Times Square! =) isn't it absolutely beautiful? I'll post the rest of the pictures tomorrow...i'm too tired right now! =) oyasuminasai! by christine at 2:50 AM ©
as most of y'all know, i've been in penn and nyc for the past couple of days (and now annie's here visiting...yayee! =P), which explains both my absence on aim and on this blogger site (not that y'all were wondering, but i just thought i'd share!) =) My trip was awesome! i had a great vacation for these past couple of days, and it really cleared my head about some things and made me see lots of things in a different light. i have tons of pictures but lotsa them have a messed up resolution for some reason so i have to fix it. =( i'll post the ones that are okay...but yeah. for all of y'all who are curious, here's a brief synopsis of my times at nyc and Penn: so on thursday night i arrive at penn around two (after like a one hour delay!) and wonderful annie and jessica were there waiting for me! it was RAINING, and it was WINDY, and it was COLD, but i was ever-so-happy to see them! =) the next day, annie and i went to new york where we watched cabaret! it was really good, but it was hard to concentrate completely on the show because my feet were soaking wet...my socks were soaked and my feet were as cold as icicles...annie and i resorted to taking off our socks during the show just so that we could feel a bit warmer (we were both shivering)...so yeah, I don't think that the people next to us were too thrilled with that one! (especially because of annie's...errr...BLACK feet...haha jk i love you, annie! =P)...ok and after cabaret we went to serendipity...the cute little dessert cafe where they filmed "serendipity" with john cusack and kate beckinsdale! the strawberry sundae and frozen hot chocolate were absolute morsels of pure heaven...mmm...amazing! hmmm and then we stayed with asuka! she has the NICEST apartment on water street right in the heart of new york city...i am so envious! it makes me wonder what my life would have been like if i had really decided to go to Stern after all...how different everything would be from what it is now...it's funny how one choice can affect your life in so many manifold ways, eh? but ultimately, i think that i'm satisfied with the choice that i did make...even though "what if's" do cloud my mind ever now and then. Okay, anyway, the next day we went shopping in soho and then ate at spice, this really DELICIOUS, absolutely fabulous thai restaurant...i have now converted to a thai food lover! I had tofu stir fry and then for dessert we had fried banana ice cream...mmm...just thinking about it makes my mouth water! sooo orgasmic. =) and later that night...we saw RENT! (with joey fatone) we got front row CENTER seats and it was seriously one of the most wonderful experiences of my life. Rent is such an awesome musical....the lyrics, the melodies, the acting, the plot, the orchestra....ahhhh it was soooo great! i can't even begin to express just how much in awe i was throughout the show...completely captivated during every moment. for those of y'all who haven't seen it, GO SEE IT! it's a must...i cried actual tears during one part too! and i tend to lose my concentration during long theatre acts like this one, so that shows a lot! =) ok but yes...go see it, it's definitely an experience you won't easily forget, i guarantee you. afterwards we went to cafe lalo, the cafe where meg ryan met tom hanks in "you've got mail"...i had a delicious salmon sandwich and THREE SCOOPS of ice cream plus some tiramisu! not as delicious as the one from the italian restaurant we had in sf with joey that one time, but it was pretty great! haha i just realized that my entire new york experience can be summed up with one word: FOOD...lol but yes, every pound i gained was worth it! after all, a girl's got to eat, right? =P (stop snickering, richard!) so back in penn i woke up at EIGHT to go to accounting with annie! it was pretty ho hum but i liked getting a dose of what her daily academic life is like there. the toffee cookies from au bon pain made the 4+ hours of class DEFINITELY worth it! ...and the crepes and philly cheese steak tooo...mmm. =) on another note besides FOOD, penn's campus is really nice...the buildings have so much history, and they all seem to have so many hidden stories to tell...the rustle of leaf-stripped tree branches and the feel of rickety cobblestone beneath one's feet while walking through campus is enough to stir one's imagination to its very depths. i'm glad that i finally got to see philadelphia and upenn. =) ok so now i'm back in berkeley. a part of me actually missed it, somewhere deep down, i think. i wasn't even gone for that long, but i think it's kind of become like a "home" to me now here at school. these past couple of days feel like a dream that i'm just now waking up from, a chasm in time that i escaped to before coming back to reality. and i realize that reality's not so bad. opening the door to room 505 today and being greeted with its familiar musty, slightly stuffy smell was strangely heartwarming, as unbelievable as it may sound. sure, socal will always be where my heart is, but maybe berkeley isn't the cloud of gloom that i once thought it to be. there are some elements of home here hidden in my everyday life that were brought to light by my absence in these past couple of days, and i have to admit that i've softened towards this city gradually. i don't exactly know when it happened, but some time between the beginning of my freshman year here and now, i've begun to see berkeley as a piece of art within itself-something with a pulsating and subtle beauty all in its own. okay. it's getting late, and i have to wake up for ba tomorrow, so i'll stop babbling for now. below are some pictures from my trip. =)  me and annie at serendipity! look at the yummy food on the table...doesn't it just LOOK incredibly mouth-watering? *grin* i'll post more later when i fix the resolution of all the pictures...g'night everyone! =) sweet dreams~ by christine at 3:03 AM ©
-why does everyone pick on me so much? i'm a nice person...=( is a little compassion just too much to ask for? *sigh* the sad life of christine... =) k that's all for today folks. i'm TIRED from 24 hour fitness...24 hour aching for me! all that running...YIPES! and i went to ba today too...it almost killed me to get up! hahaha =P sweet dreams y'all!! by christine at 12:17 AM ©
how does a poem know when it's finished, how do you stop a feeling. that's the question of the day. i guess i got to thinking about this because richard and i were talking today about relationships. i just have a question...when do you know when you're truly "over" someone or something? at what point do you draw that line and say, okay, it's finished, it's in the past, it's over and done with, and it's time to move on? How do you even know that you've drawn the line? is it a sub-conscious or a conscious effort...is it something that happens gradually or all of a sudden one day, with a sunrise, or spring's first rainfall? alas. i guess some things shall forever remain a mystery, eh? k. it's getting late. i have to wake up for ba tomorrow! =/ hehe my second lecture this module...two times better than last module! =) 99 y'all...may your dreams take you to the stars! p.s. i know i said this next blog was supposed to be dedicated to richard with a complete bashing of his much too inflated ego (i won't bring up that *comment* he made again... by christine at 2:57 AM ©
I just thought that this was the cutest little cartoon! =)  first off, i'd like to congratulate my dear roomie richie on joining the Blog mania! hahaha that story about the soy drink cracked me up...almost as much as the bunny rabbit halloween costume...lol!! Hilarious, just hilarious. But i really do think that my sense of humor is somewhat different from everyone else's...i seem to find things funny when no one else does...=/ maybe my brain just works in a different way? a slower, more roundabout way? or maybe growing up in texas, my sense of humor is just a BIT different from these californians...hehe *grin*. okay so this weekend was fun! even though i didn't really get much done until today (yayee i finished my rhetoric outline AND my ba paper today! yowza! *pat on back*) on friday we watched 8 mile which wasn't as great as i thought it would be, even though the rapping part was awesome blossom! and on saturday we went to valley fair with jenn and at night eliza slept over! yayee even though we didn't talk much it was nice to have a guest over and it was nice to spend some quality time with the former agent errooosha *wink* hehe =). and LAST night...uh ho. i really had good intentions, REALLY. I MEANT to study and do some work at night but some otherworldy force dragged me to go to eliza, emili, and brenda's apartment! but yes no regrets~ it was a fun time! side note thanks to richard for being a grrreat roommate and taking care of me since erika was TIPSY...hahaha =P and i also saw the CUTEST picture ever of eliza and a certain someone...*wink*...the CUTEST picture ever! really! hehe okay i'll stop blabbering now before eliza kicks me. =) So I was having a conversation with Lucas online earlier today and we started to talk about people changing. I guess I thought he had changed, not in a drastic way or anything, but changed nonetheless. Maybe it's because I haven't seen him in the longest time, in over a month, and I used to see him everyday. My world is so self-occupied and so limited in its quotidien sphere that I just assumed that Lucas' world was revolving too, like those pottery wheels, spinning, spinning, picking up new clay and re-molding until something completely different and new is formed. But yeah, lucas said that no, that he hadn't changed, that he was still the same person. That made me really think. How much can we really change once we reach a certain age? I know that when I was younger, I was really impressionable- one day my favorite color would be blue and the next day I'd change my mind and decide that red was my absolute favorite. Then, as I got older, I changed my mind less often and built some staples in my life and daily routine that defined "me"- I saw models of what I wanted to become and had new aspirations and goals to emulate. Now...? I don't know. All I know is that I am still learning, that there are still an infinite number of things out there that I have yet to experience and that have yet to affect me and change me. I'm glad that this world is so boundless and full of open expectations waiting to be dashed or fulfilled in the matter of a moment, because it means that we don't ever have to dwell on the failure of any one thing, because ultimately, something new is waiting, something new for us to throw ourselves into and immerse ourselves unconditionally in. But I guess that the sad part about all of this is that sometimes, as we're growing into that person in the near-distant future, we leave behind remnants of what used to define us and be our source of inspiration. We leave behind people, special memories from our three, four, five foot perspectives of the world. Essentially, we leave behind parts of ourselves that were once fundamental to our very being, like snakes shedding our skins and growing into new ones. But sometimes the change can be good- like my relatoinship with my parents, for example. As I grow older, with each year, each month, even, I feel closer to them, more on their level of understanding. I went through the rebellious adolescent years of fighting and defying them, of course, but as i get older, i learn to appreciate who they are more and more, I begin to see them as people instead of looming authority figures trying to control me. and i love that part of growing up, i really do. it's the saying goodbye part that i hate. it's the part where you talk to the person who used to be your best friend in the entire world and have to hold in your choked tears, it's the part where silence defines the time between you and someone who used to be your world, it's the part where you're standing next to someone who once meant so much and still does, but who you can feel a tangible, definite distance from. What is it within us that changes so minutely and yet so grandly that the pieces we once used to click with don't fit quite so perfectly anymore? I'm reminded of something my french teacher used to say: "alors, c'est le temps, c'est le temps." Anyway, despite all this mumbo jumbo, i know that there are things in this world that i can hold as permanent, things that i can trust and put all my faith in. on that note...i must continue on that long, arduous trek otherwise known as my rhetoric paper. Bleh. =X wish me luck y'all! hope that your 3 day weekend was absolutely fantabulous! =P Below is a pic of me, jenn, and erk, aren't we a lovely trio? hehe =)  have a great night, y'all! by christine at 9:25 PM ©
it's sunday afternoon, almost time for dinner, and i've managed to not get ANYTHING done this ENTIRE weekend, believe it or not (actually if you know me you probably aren't surprised =P)...but yes. christine's day of reform shall start soon: i must start on my rhetoric essay before the sun goes down today! or at least after dinner...yes, after dinner when my tummy is full and i can concentrate with no distractions (including richard's blasting of enimem music hehe) *big grin*. you know what song i'm listening to right now? do y'll remember jessica simpson's "i wanna love you forever"? I almost forgot about it until I saw something that spurred my memory the other day and got a sudden overwhelming urge to listen to the song. it's not an exceptionally great song and i never really loved it, but it brings back happy memories. so lately...there have been some strange going-ons...first vince bought a baby tortoise! sooo cute...i can't wait to see the pictures! and then last night i had such a craving to have ice cream in the freezer (even though i was too full to eat it because we ate SO MUCH at the restaurant) so me and richard ran to the supermarket at like eleven o'clock at night to get my strawberry ice cream and cookies 'n cream...hehe =P ok we're going to the supermarket (no, i'm not a pig, this is the CHINESE supermarket now! sheesh!) so i shall continue posting later...ciao my beautiful readers! =) have a happy 3 day weekend!!! by christine at 4:46 PM ©
yayee! i went to ba lecture today! :) seeing the look on angela's face when i walked in was just priceless...enough to make me consider waking up again on wednesday i dyed my hair red! only the highlighted parts really absorbed the color though, so the other parts look...errr...not-so-great. hehe *grin* here's a pic for all of y'all who are curious...please ignore my retarded expression, i was playing with erika's webcam at the same time! hehe =P  don't feel much like writing today because i have a lot on my mind...sometimes it's nice to retreat into a poem and take a stroll down memory lane... "I sing to use the waiting My bonnet but to tie, And close the door unto my house No more to do have I. Till his best step approaching, We journey to the day, And tell each other how we sung To keep the Dark away." -emily dickinson, i sing to v: a part of me will always care. deeply. passionately. selflessly. truly. by christine at 2:10 AM ©
something from a wise friend of mine who has been helpful to me beyond measure and beyond words, so much so, in fact, that i can't really grasp the right words to articulate my gratitude: "live your day like its your last, so that rather than wanting something you can't have, reach for something you can have.." sometimes it's good not to be too caught up in the present and all that it entails, but sometimes it's also good to find something to ground yourself in, and that's what i've been missing these past couple of days. so christine's goal of the week is to come back to reality and face the music. It's time to look beyond dreams and such and just live day to day like what it's meant to be. despite the earliness of ba lecture, i shall *attempt* to go, and i definitely should go to rhetoric. especially since i just ordered tickets to Penn for the sixteenth! i'll be gone for almost the entire week....a welcome escape from this life at berkeley. *sigh* on another note...there are just certain things that make me feel like this world is so beautiful sometimes. like traces in the melody of a song...like that one line from stephen speaks' "passenger seat" where the melody just kind of stops...the words aren't so deep and they're not really that meaningful, but they just seem to fit so well with the overall tone of the piece. in fact, that entire song seems to spin a beautiful web that snares you from its opening lines and draws you into this deep spell until its closing lines, until you blink and realize it's just a song and not a playback of memories. anyways, the line goes: and i know...this love grows yeah. what an insignificant line, but if you listen to the song, it just kind of pauses there and that's what he says, and it just makes my heart turn. it makes me believe in fairy tales, even if they are just fiction. it makes me want to live fully, to live completely, to not be afraid. if i only had the courage to do that. it's always easier to stand on the edge and judge the distance rather than dive straight down. like angela said tonight...there are so many reasons, so many reasons that your head can think of to do something...but somehow your heart just doesn't follow the same rulebook as your head does. Your heart doesn't make rational decisions, all that it knows is what feels right, what every fiber in your very being calls out for against all reason and logic. Not to say that it's not good to listen to that heart of yours once in awhile...it's just that i think too often my actions are governed by my heart and not enough by my head. i guess what got me to thinking about all of this was thinking back to senior year of high school. i won't go into explicit detail about what happened, but there were definitely things that happened that made me lose trust in people, that made me lose trust in my judge of people, that made me lose trust and faith in myself, even. Now, those things are behind me and i can look back on them without re-living them, but they have nonetheless shaped me into a different person. it's true that people don't change...i will forever let people into my life too quickly, believe the good in them too quickly, trust them too quickly, and when all these things are overturned and proven wrong to me, i will be just as shocked and disbelieving as i was that first time. The disillusionment will be just as fresh as it was that first time, taste just as pungent and biting as it did that first time. truth is, i don't know if i would change things if i could. maybe what makes life so beautiful and so heartwarming and so unbelievable and awe-inspiring all at once is also what makes it so disappointing when it falls short of your expectations, so devastating when reality flashes its blinking red sign right in front of you. alas.. isn't it strange how at the points when you're feeling the saddest, when you're feeling the most lost in this world of ours, that it also seems the most beautiful, that you come to notice the smallest but most breathtaking aspects of this world that make it something with room for dreams, something that's yours through all the moments, not just the brightest or the dimmest ones? hmmm...yeah. alright y'all. it's three-thirty, and i shall find sweet sleep now. thanks to all you precious readers who have beared with me this far. i love you all~ oyasuminasai...=) by christine at 3:36 AM ©
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