What defines a heartbeat, a moment, a memory, a year?
The few of you who read this who know me well could probably aver whole-heartedly my (somewhat) notorious fickleness. From cigarettes to ice cream flavors to people, I've always been somewhat wishy-washy in my preferences about even the most minute things, and sometimes, unfortunately, even about more important things. However, as fickle as we (this we, i'm sad to say, seems to be especially applicable towards girls) all are at times, there are some established routines in our lives that we always do seem to hold true to and cling steadfastly to. Maybe you always buy only three lemons at the supermarket to put into the refrigerator to keep it from stinking, because three's your lucky number for miscellaneous things like that. Or maybe you always brush your teeth before you wash your face or vice versa, and it just feels positively wrong to do it in the reverse order. You know, quirky habits like that.

Hmmm...Or maybe I'm just a freak. =/

Either way, my point is that there are some things that all of us tend to do some of the time, all of the time, whenever-we-feel-like-it time. And one of the things that I love to do most is write in my journal. Not THIS journal...or blogger, or xanga or whatever you might want to call it, but my own journal, the actual pen and paper one, the one where I paste crumpled up napkins from fancy restaurants and ragged movie stubs, the one where I (try to) chronicle my life. Quite an ambitious task, eh? Especially for someone like me who can't even stay loyal to a shampoo brand (i've literally tried every single one they sell at convenience stores...herbal, pantene, thermasilk, you name it...soon i'll have to move onto the expensive salon brands! *gasp*) hehe but yeah. ANYWAY. The only reason why I'm even blabbering on about this in my blog is because 1) richard is studying at my place right now and i am EXTREMELY bored...cannot listen to music, can't concentrate enough to write long overdue emails, and have surfed every single online shopping site possible. oh, and 2) i also don't feel like studying (what else is new). So here i am, procrastinating away and typing in my blogger. =)

ok so my point is that I was looking through my journal from the start of freshman year around October, and just seeing all the saved quotes, all of the rantings during my most irate moments, all of the bubbling effusions of joy in scrawled chicken scratch scattered across those pages...seeing all of this just made me really regret not having kept up with my journal in the past six months. My new journal is just such a sorry sight that just looking at it doesn't even make me want to write in there anymore...it seems like there are so many pages to be filled, so much writing to do, and just even thinking of starting makes my hand ache.

So why even bother, you ask? Why is it even such a big deal to write in a paper journal anyway? Well, it's just that, the older we get, the worse our memories get, and the more that I think about it, the more that I think, I feel, I know that these really are the times that define us. When I'm 30, 40, 50 years old, I don't want to look back on my 20s and sigh, "ah, i was so young then...those were such good times...if only i could remember what they were". Of course, we all remember the feelings and the emotions that we had during certain periods in our life...there are immensely happy times where the sky seems bluer and the sun brighter, where everything is funny and dramatic and joyful all at the same time. And right now is one of those times for me...even with finals looming ahead of me in the next few days, even with the start of junior year hovering in the near distance, i just feel so utterly happy to be alive. Bah, that sounds like such a cliche, but dude, there are reasons why things are cliches. It's because sometimes, these cliches really do feel true, they really do describe reality, whether you pessimists and cynics out there like to believe it or not. So that's my reality, that's the essence of what i really have to say. I just feel so utterly blessed, so incredibly lucky, to have so many people in my life who I can trust, who I can rely on, who I love so completely. So this is just a heartfelt thank you to each and everyone of you...je t'aime. =P

by christine at 11:55 PM ©

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Wednesday, August 06, 2003

the new jay chou cd is awesome! i love numbers 1, 3, 5, 6, and 9. 11 is pretty good too. Actually, I think they're ALL pretty good...but I am a devoted jay fan after all...i'm going to go to taiwan next saturday and since we're destined to fall in love, i'm going to see him AT THE AIRPORT...yep that's right, folks. And our eyes will meet across a crowd...and then there'll be a click , and everything that was slightly atilt or off-beat about the world will slip into place until there's only one...me and jay...*sigh*...this is what dreams are made of! hahahha ok i'm such a dork *blush* =P

for you other chinese musicholics out there, there's a really good duet (it's really old though) that i heard about from annie and now am currently obsessed with...it's with guang liang and jasmine leung (liang jing ru don't know ping ying sorry) and it's called "zhi nen bao zi ni" or something...i can only hold you...something like that. ask me and maybe i can send it to you! =) k gtg watch how to deal now, i'll write more later! =)

p.s. only ONE AND A HALF MORE WEEKS of summer school left! yayeee! =)
p.p.s. annie i miss you!!! =( call me/write me about taiwan soon chica!

by christine at 8:46 PM ©

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